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For Better Or For Worse

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The wife’s back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next shit could spell disaster. 

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off. 

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or “foreplay” as she likes to call it. 

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better.

I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn‚t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30. 

Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I’d slept with. I told her, “Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!”

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, “I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!” 
“Oh,” I replied, “so now you want me to stay!”

A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next shit could spell disaster.  My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.  I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.  After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn‚t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.  Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!" My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"  "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!" A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.

For Better Or For Worse

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